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searching for a former clarity [Nov. 28th, 2005|05:06 pm]
No the doctors didn't tell you,
that you were dying.
They just collected their money,
And sent you on your way.
But you knew all along,
went on pretending nothing was wrong,
you said I will keep my focus, till the end.
And in the journal you kept,
by the side of your bed.
You wrote nightly in aspiration,
of developing as an author.
Confessing childhood secrets,
of dressing up in women's clothes,
Compulsions you never knew the reasons to,
Well everyone, you ever meet or love,
be just relationship based on a false presumption,
despite everyone, you ever meet or love,
in the end, will you be all alone?
As the disease spreads slowly through your body,
pumped by your heart to the tips of your arms and your legs,
your greatest fear was that your mind wouldn't last,
your coherency and alertness would be the first things to fade,
as your hair thinned, as the weight fell off, as your teeth blackened,
as the lesions spotted your skin,
as you fell to your knees in the center of the stage,
as you offered witness to mortality in exchange for the ticket price,
as the lights blended into the continuing noise,
as all hope was finally lost.
Adrenaline carried one last thought to fruition.
Let this be the end.
Let this be the last song.
Let this be the end.

Let all be forgiven.
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(no subject) [Oct. 17th, 2005|09:12 pm]
ever have one of those weekends where you fall in love over and over?

well i just had two in a row
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nickel creek - somebody more like you [Sep. 28th, 2005|06:18 pm]
I didn't hear you say you're sorry
The fault must be mine
I wish you all the best of luck
At finding somebody more like you

You said you'd love me always, truly
I must have changed
Cause you don't need me like you used to
I hope you find somebody more like you

I hope you finally find someone
Someone that you trust
And give him everything
I hope you meet someone your height
So you can see eye-to-eye
With someone as small as you

You came out of nowhere, made me smile
Then tore me in two
Saying, "We're very different people"
So dear, I hope you find somebody more like you

I hope you find somebody more like you
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cavalier eternal [Sep. 8th, 2005|03:41 pm]
girl im sorry but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault, we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men cause there were other women.
this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss, of a feeling.
even if i stayed it just wouldn't be the same.

double this drink up into the, tallest glass you got.
you know i aint used to sleeping all alone.
gonna make it to the moon tonight on a 1 way kamikaze flight.
if i could get so high i'll leave behind my problems,
take em out with the empty bottles.

oh girl, i'm sorry, but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault, we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men cause there were other women.
this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling
even if i stayed it just wouldn't be the same.

me and this guitar are going swinging blind into the unknown.
you know a song and a stage is all i never needed of a home.
someday i, will call from a payphone in a truckstop on the road
and you'll tell me how much better off you've been on your own.

so girl, i'm sorry but i'm leaving.
we're both at fault, we're both to blame.
and it wasn't the other men cause there were other women.
this just isn't love, it's just the remorse of a loss of a feeling
even if i stayed...
it just wouldn't be the.....


but there will always be love
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(no subject) [Sep. 1st, 2005|09:37 pm]
you don’t need no fancy clothes
where’d you get them, goodness knows?
just show some civility.
act nice, act nice and gentle to me.

I don’t need no luxuries,
as long as you are understanding,
I’m not difficult to please.
act nice, act nice and gentle to me.

well I’m the kind of guy who likes
to take you as I find you
so throw away those false eyelashes and,
act nice, act nice, baby.

come on baby, hold my hand.
come on baby, understand, you gotta
act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
act nice, act nice and gentle to me.
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(no subject) [Sep. 1st, 2005|09:30 pm]
tell me where you're goin or
what is going wrong
I felt you leavin before
you'd even gone
and hold me now
or never ever hold me again
no more talk
can take me away from this pain I'm in

see the moonlight shinin on
your window pane
see it leave you as
faithful as it came
please yourself so you
don't have to be afraid
make amends
or carry on another way

tell me what you were thinkin
to treat somebody so
the care he took the
lengths to which he'd go
coals are hot to walk
across without your shoes
but in the end
know that you got nothin to lose
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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2005|09:26 am]
left a bunch of stuff out

Along with the band, I'm building my own guitar.
jag stang body
thinking of alnico pickups
gibson or seymour duncan
anyway its all american parts
and custom
so thats cool

going to try to get to visit chelsea later this month
hope that works out

I really need new music, getting kinda
i dont know
sick of what i've been listening to
start radio soon so that should help bolster my shit up
I want to go to shows
but i dont
they're fun
and a hassle
worth it over all i guess

i never thought id say it
or feel it
but, honestly
fuck college.
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(no subject) [Aug. 30th, 2005|09:23 am]
starting a band
thinking of 'post no bills' as a name

i held off on updating cause i figured one day id get in the mood and write all about camp
but no
dont feel like it
labor day weekend i'm visiting amy and jess at marist
and then canada?
who the f knows.
so yea i started classes yesterday
only had 2 so far
but they seem.. like classes.
i start my guitar course this afternoon
and another class with Professor Sweeney, the kind of professor thats demanding, but still worth taking.

thinking of a new tattoo
any suggestions?

a bull's eye on my forehead.
that sounds good right now.
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i cant say it like i sing it, i cant sing it like i think it, i cant think it like i feel it [Jun. 21st, 2005|03:06 am]
so yeah

what a confusing couple days
confusings not really the word.
i guess i should say interesting.

i spent today with a lovely lady, who shall remain, for her own safety, anonymous. however, i for one had a great time, and she said she did too. we got lunch, coffee, walked in the park, then.. sat in a car. then we went to see batman begins and.. sat in a car hah. funny how 1 turned into 1:30 so quickly.

and i feel like i should bathe in bleach
cause i can still smell her on me.
its good and its bad

i start camp wedsnesday and i dont think im ready, but oh well. just kind of bumming overall that my summer is essentially over.

if you cant smile, than fake it please
you wont get far on honesty
if you cant cry, get on your knees
tug their pants if you cant reach their heart strings

im exhausted. i woke up at 5:30 today to get to jersey to hang out with family. (it was all for you, i hope you know. actually, it was for me too.) and here it is quarter after 3 and my mind is racing too fast to sleep.

so my sisters bike is ready before mine, even though i had my license a month before her, and the bike just as long. so much for not playing favorites, dear mom and dad.

tomorrow? i will head back home. i will stop in hazleton and wilkes barre to visit friends. and then i will sleep alone.

ahh just when i thought id never be sorry to leave new jersey.

i dont want to believe that all of the above is true
but i could be persuaded if you were to give me proof
so why dont you come on a thursday, maybe we could talk it through
as if some new information is possible to comprehend, or introduce
and afterall.. you and i are nothing more than
foregone conclusions
and you were too busy steering the conversation toward the lord
to hear the voice of the spirit begging you to shut the fuck up
you thought it must be the devil trying to make you go astray
besides it could not have been the lord because you dont believe
he talks that way

thats a pedro the lion song i just felt like putting in.. no real reason.. just for fun.
the second verse applies to someone that ive been thinking of a lot lately..
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fuck you [Jun. 16th, 2005|01:59 am]
[mood |pissed offpissed off]


i deleted all my numbers from my cell phone, except for a select few
chances are if your reading this you're one of the select few

im tired of being the one who always calls and im tired of being disrefuckingaurded as i have been by so many of my 'friends'

so fuck you all, if you want to talk, youll call me

atleast until i establish who my real friends are

i cant fucking stand fakes and i feel like thats the majority of the people i've come to consider friends, unfortunately.

im tired of trying to make plans with or just talk to people who are obviously too fucking busy

and if you call, and its the first time in weeks, and you want to ask a favor
save us both the fucking trouble and dont bother

so yeah. i start work in a week and all the people who were going to hang out with me beforehand but are now too busy or preoccupied or whatever

yeah i wont miss you a bit.

and id like to thank the one person that was there for me when i really needed to talk to someone. it meant alot and im sorry i bitched so much but im just fed up.

cutting my losses and moving on.
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